Hi everyone,
Anna and I have been back in the village just over a week and already find our days full. When we got back I text messaged all my friends back in Chidya to see how their past month had been. Geofrey sent me back great news: the results from my Form II students' national examination.
Overall my students placed 9th out of 224 schools in mathematics in the Mtwara, Lindi, and Ruvuma regions. What does this look like grad-wise? 3 A's, 15 B's, 15 C's, 10 D's, and 36 F's. So you can see that grad expectations is different in this country. And remember, I taught at a well-reputed boys' boarding school so we were able to select from the top students who applied due to our limited accomodations. But my students worked very hard and I'm so proud of them. It's sad I won't be teaching them again but it's exciting knowing I'll see them again; I plan to visit in September.
Once we got back to the village we had only 2 days before our wedding party. In Tanzania the couple has literally no control of party. Decorations, people invited, food served, music, nothing. This is both relaxing and stressful. We didn't have to worry about planning anything or making speeches but at the same time we didn't know if our friends would be there or how much had actually been taken care of. All we knew was that the party was starting at 9pm...which usually means it wouldn't start until at least 10pm.
The day came and we found ourselves with little to do since Anna had been informed the day before that the bride could not be seen out in the village the day of the party. Anna's friend Courtney (from our training class) had come in the night before so we had a good time hanging out. In the evening we got dressed for the party: I had a suit made by my friend Ally (the tailor who made my mom's dress) and Anna had a dress made by her friend, Mama Ema. Anna looked gorgeous. We'll put up pictures later: Mama Ema is a very good tailor and the material was beautiful. Around dusk, 7pm-ish, we walked to Mama Happy's (a friend of Anna's) to await the car to take us to the party which was expected to arrive anywhere between 8 and 9. As we waited we all started getting very tired. Our village has no electricity, even the school (it's not boarding like my old one), so we only had a kerosene lantern and it helped to put us in a sleepy mood. But we managed to stay awake making small talk. True to Tanzania, the car showed up a little after 10 and we were off to the party.
The party was awesome. As soon as we got there our second wind came. Anna and I were ready to walk right in and it was evident we were a bit nervous but we were told to calm down and wait. A few minutes later we entered into a long room with people on either side who clapped while music played and we walked to the other end of the room. We were at the head table with our 'besti's': like the best man and maid of honor. There were a little over 100 people there. Unfortunately, none of my friends from Chidya made it. It's a 3 day trip each way and expensive even for a teacher. So my besti was one of the teachers from Kigwe, Mwendela. Usually the bride and groom look like the most miserable people at the party, rarely smiling. But Anna and I couldn't do that. The party was very typical for Tanzania: the MC talks, some music, more talking, more music, some speeches, music, cake, music, food, music, dancing. Here are the highlights.
After we had been introduced and the party had been going for a few minutes we were treated to a dancer. A male dancer. Using mostly his hips and legs. Kind of like belly-break dancing. Then he threw off his hat. Next came the collared shirt. Then his t-shirt. This is a pretty conservative culture but it wasn't too surprising since men in town often have their shirts off when they're hot. Even in the village sometimes. But then he grabbed his belt buckle. I know Anna's village has come to love her over the past 2 years but...a male stripper? Anna and I looked at each other then looked back. Nope, he was just adjusting his belt. Thank goodness. But it was pretty funny. This lone belly-break dancer continued for about a half hour until the cake was served.
In Tanzania, wedding cakes are cut into very tiny pieces for all the guests but first the bride serves the groom a tiny piece of cake on a toothpick and vice versa. Then the bride feeds a piece to the groom's parents and family and, again, vice versa. Anna's Tanzanian parents were the school headmaster and his wife and mine were an NGO (where we live) teacher and his wife. When it came to my turn to feed the parents and family I discovered that the only pieces of cake left on the plate were very large to be putting into another's mouth with only a toothpick. I fed my new headmaster, his wife and daughter and then, because Courtney happening to be sitting next to them and is Anna's friend, I was told to give her a piece. Luckily, a tiny piece of cake remained-no embarrassing moments. But wait, camera malfunction. Have to serve her another piece. Only giant ones remained (sorry Courtney).
Most of the rest of the party I talked with my besti and got to know him a little better. After food we were given presents, mostly Tanzanian material and most very beautiful. This is done in a rather funny way. Wrap up the groom toga style one by one, wrap up the bride in a head dressing. As soon as each one is wrapped Mwendela tried to pull it off as quick as he could because I was already being wrapped in another one and the same went for Anna. I'd say out of the 8 pieces I was wrapped in I saw about...1 of them. The first one. Finally, a piece was thrown over Anna and I so we could kiss, about as much privacy as we'll ever get in the village. Then we had to 'open' the dancing. Anna and I danced and so did our besti's for one song and then everyone else joined in. By this point, it was almost 2am and it's safe to say there were more than a few people drunk. Tanzanians usually don't dance in couples, just groups of people or in some cases people all by themselves. One inebriated gentlemen had his pants pulled tightly to his chest, shirt tucked in and proceed to wiggle his hips as he swung his arms in a cross-country-skiing fashion with his ball cap pulled low. How could one not smile?
Then we posed to take no less than 40 pictures with almost everyone at the party. Finally around 2:30am we decided to go home. The car took us back and we fell fast asleep. It was a great party and we were so glad to have Courtney there, who has been close to Anna the past 2 years, to enjoy from a similar perspective.
On Monday the school opened and Anna and I went to find out what we're teaching and start preparing. You may remember the first week of school there is usually no teaching because students don't always come on time. We spent the next few days preparing the house and lesson plans, visiting people in the village, and giving gifts. Then a few of Anna's mama friends told her they'd like to come over. Four mamas came over: one to distract me, the others to talk to Anna. All are older and truly treat Anna as their daughter. What they had come to tell her was how to be a good wife. They meant well, but they're still influenced by old cultural ways. They told her she can only leave the house to work or to get food. The rest of time she must be home making food for me and cleaning. She should only go visit people if I visit people, should no longer visit her students in neighboring villages (these visits have been one of the more amazing cultural experiences Anna has had and we plan to do them together this year), and that I cannot do any house work or go to the village to get supplies or visit people. I can only go out to bars. This was very troubling. They told Anna this because they love her but they don't understand that although we want to integrate we're going to share our culture too and be different. It's hard for both of us, I like to cook, visit people at their homes and go to the market. But it's especially hard for Anna; these are friends that she loves and she fears not doing these things may hurt those friendships.
The next day we went to talk to her headmaster to see what could be done. He was very understanding (he has been to London and has had to deal with cultural expectations too: he cooks!) and assured us we can still visit students who live in neighboring villages and people in the village. We just have to be careful, mostly visit together and give the villager time to get used to us. It's hard knowing my being here has effected the relationships Anna has made but we both believe we'll be able to handle it well and that she can still maintain strong friendships.
So that's a little of what's been happening the past 2 weeks. Until the next trip to town,
Justin